Desiring the undesirable

This is not an epiphany, but . . .

Why is it that the biggest hurdles in our lives - the things we most want to avoid if at all possible - are almost always the sources of our greatest pleasure? And conversely, why is it that all too often the things we want most are those things that bring the least fulfillment?

This morning I quarterbacked my first arbitration as plaintiff's attorney. Like law school exams, I wished I could just make a phone call and postpone it a day or two - heck, a week, or a month, or more. I'd rather not do it at all. Why don't these obviously responsible defendants just roll over for me? (Maybe my bar number provides an answer to that question.) Like law school exams, though, I couldn't get out of it. Someday I'll do my first jury trial, and I'm sure I'll feel the same way. It's that feeling that I don't want to ever handle another litigation file. It's that not-so-euphoric experience of desiring to go jump off a bridge. A really, really, really tall one.

While the arbitrator's award isn't in yet, I feel really great about the way it went. Not so much because I think my client will get everything he wants as because I did a good job, stayed calm, and felt on top of the game. Which is exactly what it is - a game. Sure, people's lives are significantly affected by it, but it's still a game. It's not life. Christ is life. It's not reality in the ultimate sense. It has no eternal significance. So, it's a game. Opposing counsel, G. Russell Clark from Kenney & Markowitz, a big-time San Francisco aviation firm, is a little like the legal equivalent of Kobe Bryant; kinda shady, but not a bad player. Taking him on wasn't half as bad as I expected, though.

But back to my premise. Now that the arbitration is over, I feel like litigation, arbitration, mediation, trial - whatever comes my way - I'm ready for it - and I want the challenge.

It's those daunting things in life that, when we deny our base desires to avoid them, and confront them head on, bring the greatest sense of achievement, fulfillment, pleasure. It's those simple things like going to the gym, tackling a new hike, accepting criticism, daring heartbreak. And it's denying those things we desire - I doubt Carl's Jr. or Burger King would agree with me on that point, but that's okay. :) It's in denying the sinful urges to follow the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the boastful pride of life - denying the urge to make myself "happy" - that brings true happiness.

So, push yourself past that last boundary. Ride the biggest rollercoaster you can find. Skip that next piece of cake. Take up your cross and follow Him down that path of certain uncertainty. It'll be retrospectively one of the greatest things you've ever done.

There's the paradox. Doing what we don't want is more enjoyable than doing what we do. And for all my bloviating on the matter, I cannot even offer a postulation as to why. Naturally, any postulations from my readership are hereby solicited. :)

-Jonathan

"There exists in the economy and course of nature, an indissoluble union between virtue and happiness; between duty and advantage; between the genuine maxims of an honest and magnanimous policy, and the solid rewards of public prosperity and felicity; since we ought to be no less persuaded that the propitious smiles of Heaven can never be expected on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right, which Heaven itself has ordained." --George Washington

Doing the unexpected

For a change . . . I thought I'd drop in and just mention how life is going in general . . . for those of you who used to know me, and for those who still think they do. :)

Since moving to California with little more than the clothes on my back and an old but reliable car, which I managed to wreck a few months after moving out, a lot of water has passed under the proverbial bridge. The first few months out here (July '03 - December '03), I spent covering court appearances for other attorneys, doing landscaping, and searching for permanent work. For various reasons, it was the most difficult time of my life, but not altogether unenjoyable. (Doesn't God always turn our sorrow into joy if we allow Him to? What a picture of heaven.) I learned a heck of a lot about life, people, and what it means to be reliant on God. It was actually a beautiful time. When things seemed like they couldn't get any worse, I was on my way to a job interview at a bakery and wrecked my car. Not being able to afford to fix it, I took off the broken parts and kept driving it for a month or so until I upgraded to an '85 Volvo that leaked transmission fluid like like a siv and had no A/C.

Between January and March of 2004, I worked at Pacific Justice Institute in Sacramento as its staff attorney. While the experience there was a mixed bag, it was definitely interesting and I got to meet and work with a lot of great people. In March, 2004, I started transitioning from PJI into a solo practice arrangement with the attorneys I now work with. In June, I bought a new car (a silver Honda Accord V6 with black leather and the bells & whistles) and in September we moved into a new office building. Somehow I ended up our suite's second floor corner office. Both of the attorneys I work with are Christians and having access to their resources and knowledge is an absolute blessing. When I consider where I was a few years ago and where I am today, I am literally awed.

This summer, I started taking flying lessons and will likely fly solo for the first time this weekend. Flying's a trip, no pun intended. Eventually, I'd like to get a plane of my own for both business and personal use.

On the church front, our guitar-playing Sunday School worship leader left single life a couple weeks ago and is moving on to the young married's group, so it look like I'll be trying to fill his shoes for a while.

Since buying a new tennis racquet a month or so ago, I've been getting out and playing with friends pretty regularly. Matt McReynolds, a Georgia native who now works at Pacific Justice Institute, is my most common enemy on the courts. It's a good thing I'm not a sore loser when I play with him, 'cuz I'd be really sore by now if I was. :)

Along with a ton of other literature I've read lately, I read "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis the other day. A very interesting book it is (my best Yoda impersonation there). While I think his metaphoric approach could create some confusion among young Christians, there are some excellent points in the book. One of my favorite illustrations in the book was that of the artist visiting heaven, seeing its glory, and in his artistic ambition, failing to accept and recognize heaven's reality. How applicable that illustration is to our own lives. How often we take the ministry God has given us and become obsessed with the ministry itself, and not with Him who has given it to us. Our love for Him is derailed in the daily jungle of life's tracks and we end up pouring our lives into an empty shell named "ministry," "employment," "acheivement," or such like, rather than into the Creator for Whom those goals and occupations should bring glory.

And, for one last morsel of news, I decided to try a full goatee and have been getting a lot of positive feedback - mostly from females. I found that interesting. I'm still in the "demo" mode and haven't decided yet whether or not to keep it. Comments are welcome - pro and con.

And there you have it, the condensed version of two years of my life.