Poolside Lessons
Nah, you don't want to see it, so I won't post a pic . . . (See, the moderator of this blog does have some control over its contents, which he arbitrarily chooses to assert.) Instead of a picture, we have applied the Fleming approach to analyze the weekend's main lesson, and break it out as follows:
AVOID CONSPIRACIES: when at a party where a pool is present, avoid participating in any conspiratorial schemes that involve the premeditated tossing of an individual or individuals into said pool.
WATCH FOR LEGS: when participation in aforementioned schemes becomes inevitable (when self control, common sense, and adult behavior are overcome by the more base, or at least childish, desires), and you feel inwardly compelled to volunteer your efforts to accomplish the object of said scheme, remember to go for the head, or at least the upper portion of the target individual (hereinafter referred to as "victim"), particularly if the victim has been known to possess very athletic abilities in the thigh, calf, and knee areas, and particularly if the movement of the victim appears akin to a horizontal break dancer. Grabbing the feet of such a victim has potentially hazardous consequences, and one who does so impliedly assumes any risk associated with such hazardous behavior.
NEVER GIVE UP: never give up, even if you've been kneed in the mouth. Especially if you've been kneed in the mouth, because you should at least have something to show for it.
WATCH YOUR BACK: when you have reached the line of demarcation, the point of no return, the near culmination of the actus reus, the point where the preliminary swings have been completed and the final act of swinging and releasing is imminent . . . watch your back, particularly if you are surrounded by non-conspirators, and particularly if you are fully dressed in non-swimming apparel.
Jonathan's Thought of the Day: The lips of the wise tendeth to life, but in the mouth of fools is much pain.
Jonathan's Other Thought of the Day: Before furthering water-related conspiracies, become appropriately appareled.
This public service message has been brought to you by the partnership for an injury free America, a public non-partisan organization aimed at taking away the spice of life and creating liability for any activities that may potentially result in harm or injury to any individual.
AVOID CONSPIRACIES: when at a party where a pool is present, avoid participating in any conspiratorial schemes that involve the premeditated tossing of an individual or individuals into said pool.
WATCH FOR LEGS: when participation in aforementioned schemes becomes inevitable (when self control, common sense, and adult behavior are overcome by the more base, or at least childish, desires), and you feel inwardly compelled to volunteer your efforts to accomplish the object of said scheme, remember to go for the head, or at least the upper portion of the target individual (hereinafter referred to as "victim"), particularly if the victim has been known to possess very athletic abilities in the thigh, calf, and knee areas, and particularly if the movement of the victim appears akin to a horizontal break dancer. Grabbing the feet of such a victim has potentially hazardous consequences, and one who does so impliedly assumes any risk associated with such hazardous behavior.
NEVER GIVE UP: never give up, even if you've been kneed in the mouth. Especially if you've been kneed in the mouth, because you should at least have something to show for it.
WATCH YOUR BACK: when you have reached the line of demarcation, the point of no return, the near culmination of the actus reus, the point where the preliminary swings have been completed and the final act of swinging and releasing is imminent . . . watch your back, particularly if you are surrounded by non-conspirators, and particularly if you are fully dressed in non-swimming apparel.
Jonathan's Thought of the Day: The lips of the wise tendeth to life, but in the mouth of fools is much pain.
Jonathan's Other Thought of the Day: Before furthering water-related conspiracies, become appropriately appareled.
This public service message has been brought to you by the partnership for an injury free America, a public non-partisan organization aimed at taking away the spice of life and creating liability for any activities that may potentially result in harm or injury to any individual.
posted by jph | 11:54 PM
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